The Life And Tribulations of Rachel

Still Back

2005-11-29T21:05:00.000-06:00

Okay....so another day and i still havent spoken to Nathan... hes at work and its not totally abnormal.... but we'll see only time will tell. I dont know if i'm just holding on for no apparent reason or what.... on lighter news i went out tonight to this really nice restraunt for a good-bye dinner for this guy from work.... it was fun...i enjoyed it.. i just need to keep things light and to try to enjoy myself.... i know that if this is the end for Nathan and i that i will pull through and that i can get over him.... it wont be easy but i'll be able to do it... anyway.... enough for now i dont have much else to say other than its cold and slippery out there and i'm a little drunk.... later

Back for reall this time

2005-11-28T13:26:00.000-06:00

Okay i know that last time i said i was back but this time i'm for real this time... i'm going to have a lot more time on my hands now.... Nathan and I are seeing other people... my idea after he told me he doesnt know what he wants anymore....i have this suspision that hes seeing someone else and i dont want to break up with him without knowing for sure...so we'll see where this gets us. so in the meantime you can expect to see me online a lot and trying to keep myself occupied so that i dont think about him so much and i dont call him so much... i want him to realize what hes going to throw away. i want him begging for me you know and then i want to tell him i found someone else and i dont need him anymore....so i guess i should probably find someone then huh ??? lol i dont know....life sucks sometimes...i really do still love him with all my heart and i dont want to loose him. but i also know that i deserve so much better...so we'll see what happens in the meantime though i can see other people so you never know maybe i'll meet someone ....in the meantime thats all im gonna write but i'llbe posting again fairly soon.

Miss ME?????

2005-07-26T11:37:00.000-05:00

Yeah i know....what the hell happened to me???? well i guess life happened to me.... scary thing. Nathan used to call me his little hermit....now he just wishes when he calls i'd be home. Nathan has since moved to Wisconsin and things have been pretty good....he's been here for over a month and we've only seen each other once which sucks but i've just been busy. I went an stayed at his place for a day and some girl ended up calling there and she said she'd known Nathan for a while....so i called her back and wanted a better explaination and she said "i didnt know he had another gf." i just freaked i couldnt believe this she said she had met him 2 years ago in Green Bay...and i was upset......i'm still not sure whether to believe the love of my life or some bitch but her story never really added up when she 1st called she asked if i was his sister and anyone who knows, knows Nathan is an only child.....and she said she met him 2 years ago and he wasnt up here 2 years ago...but yet its hard to believe Nathan when at times he hasn't been very honest with me.... so anyway thats whats going on with Nathan....i also for a while has a roommate and her bf living with me...well her bf drove me crazy and now they're going to be moving out.....so thats something new...nathan is begging me to move in with him and he does have nice place......so who knows :) well enough for now and i promise to keep ya'll updated :)

What's New With ME :)

2005-05-03T11:26:00.000-05:00

Well since the last 2 post have been not about me. Maybe i should catch you all up on whats going on in my life.

First off I've been really depressed lately. It all started last Saturday when i decided to get my hair-cut.....which was a HUGE mistake....I was stupid enough to think i could get in to my normal place Prom Weekend :) Well they were booked solid....so i decided to try this other place called La Vita Bella, it's a spa and i had a pedicure done there b4 so i thought it'd be alright.....they charge more than my normal place, so i thought they'd be better, well sometimes more expensive isnt always better, i found that out the hard way....so there i was getting a lot of my hair cut off....and the length part doesnt upset me....i told her the length is fine as long as its still long enough to be into a ponytail for when im at work....then i told her i wanted layer cuz i have thick hair and i wanted it be thinned out....yeah not so much....she put a few layers around my face and thats it....then comes the bangs part here she was cutting them....i told her i wanted them choppy and uneven and she cut them sort of choppy but not what i was looking for....the length was ok then she asked me "so do you ever curl your bangs." and i'm like "no"....so yeah thats when she took the go ahead to cut another inch off my bangs....and now i hate my hair....i hate it...im lucky cuz my hair grown back fast but still for the next 2 weeks or so....i have to look at my ugly short bangs in the mirror....it's very said....that was $30.00 i wish i didnt spend :) I could have done better myself.

Another aspect in my life of course is Nathan...yeah hes been driving me crazy lately too....hes always tired and bitching to me about that or that i never have phone sex with him anymore....whenever i try he's half asleep, he later tells me he thought i was just joking around.....last night he fell asleep on the phone and BAM he was out.....i yelled, screamed pushed buttons, everything to wake his lazy ass up but no...he was out cold. Then lately he's been talking to his EX, the woman he's always referred to as THE BITCH to me and he's always made excuses to me that the reason he never goes to see his son is cuz he doesnt want to see THE BITCH. But lately they've been talking on the phone....the bitch and her bf broke up and so now shes living with her parents and she has another kid and she called Nathan up to see if he'd wanna take his son to give him a little break from all the caos and now shes calling him all the time and hes been getting off the phone with me to talk to her which is pissing me off...i mean last night he tells me to hold on cuz he has another call....im hloding for what seems like forever...then he comes back on...and hes under the impression that i called him....and im like no i was on hold and hes like well my phone just rang....and im like you dumb-ass thats what happens when you have someone on hold and then you hang the phone up. I mean i dont think hed ever go back to her or that he would cheat on me, I mean hello look at me :) LOL...but seriously....hes pissing me off, and i dont know what to do....when i try to talk to him about it he gets a defensive and starts finding things to yell at me about .....he cant just sit there and listen to what i have to say.

Anyway work has been crazy and ive working a lot of extra hours. And thats about it :)

2005-05-03T11:18:00.000-05:00

Since I'm a huge reality tv freak....i have had the chance to watch a few episodes of The Simple Life....and i have to say the best part of the show is Nicole with her outrageous comments, I'm Paris she's really not all the interesting, I mean someone can only take so much of..... "That's Hot" am i right. So if you haven't heard these two have had a little falling out and Nicole is no longer going to be on the show....part of the reason to the falling out happens to be because Paris made a racial comment that made Nicole upset. Then to get back at Paris for being on SNL, Nicole and some buddies boycotted watching Paris on SNL and instead watched her sex tape, which then pissed Paris off. What Drama :) It seems like the racial thing is everywhere, having read Derek's blog it kind of makes you wonder what kind of world we live in.

2005-05-02T21:03:00.000-05:00

Okay so let me ask what is the deal with Tom Cruise why is he always dating women who are taller than him....i personally would hate to date someone shorter than me...it just doesnt look right. But I do think that they make a good couple. So congrats to them.

The Crazy Life

2005-04-27T13:34:00.000-05:00

Do you ever get that feeling that everything around you is just going crazy and that you dont have any time for yourself....well im there right now.... For starters something happened to my yahoo messenger, somehow my password was changed and i have no idea how and so now i am unable to connect to it....so for those of you who thought i just dropped off the face of the earth, im still here :) my new yahoo is rachel_1606 so just add me and we can talk again :)

I've been working a lot lately and the only day i had off was Sunday and i went to Milwaukee to the zoo for my mom's birthday. That was a lot of fun but also pretty tiring. It seems that Nathan and i are growing apart. I havent said much to him about it but i just feel like we're spending less and less time talking. A lot more time arguing, and its really starting to bother me. I love the guy so much but sometimes he drives me so crazy. I'm considering getting a new job something with more hours and benefits but i kind of want to hold out and see what kind of raise i'll get in May. But then i think even with a good raise it wont be enough to make it easier around here and to get caught up. Nathan keeps sending money or gift cards and i hate that too....i wanted him to send me one from target but he didnt then i threatened to sell something and it happens to be something he likes and doesnt want me to sell so then hes gonna try and send me to money...and now i feel bad and i wonder why he couldnt have just sent it in ther 1st place....then part of me wants to tell him no, and i'll figure it out myself which mean i'll sell something....and he hates that. So i dont know what to do.... well hope everyone is good

Sorry

2005-04-22T12:24:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that its really been over a week since i've posted, so sorry :)

Not too much new....my oldest sister who is pregnant with her 2nd child....well shes been dating her current bf for about 4 months she met him at work...and shes over 5 months pregnant....now all she kept telling me was about how happy she was to have Scott around and all i kept thinking was how her timing wasnt matching up....so finally i brought it up to her and i asked her if she thought about her due date i told her i didnt think shed be having the baby in August due to the fact that she only met scott in December...and thats when she told me....yeah this baby isnt Scott's and he knows that and hes ok with that....and she doesnt even know who that baby's father is....and all im thinking is "Oh my god, my sister is a slut........." i mean really what am i suppose to think? her first childs father is in prison for about 10 years for sexual assault and her 2nd baby she doesnt even know who his father is.....im thinking my sister should go on some talk show like Maury or Jerry Springer......

so also with this baby....i told my mom that if my sister didnt have me as the god mother that i would dis-own her....given the fact that her first child i was forgotten and he had 5 godparents all together including my brother and other sister.....so yeah i am this kids godmother which makes me happy :)

my other pregnant sister is having a girl Jillian Skylar, and i bought her the cutest little dress the other day....i cant wait to have my own baby someday and i hope its a little girl :)

things are ok with nathan and i, nothing new there last week he sent my some victorias secret shampoo and conditioner, its called So Sexy and its to die for, i love it :)

Sunday is my mom 48th birthday and we're all going to the Milwaukee zoo, what fun lol...oh well i'll be hanging with missy and my brother and Kaden for most of the day....i thought of something funny....you know normally you and your sisters call each other up and are like "oh my god do you know what are brothers fiancee did????" well not me i call my brothers fiancee up and im all "wanna hear some gossip about my sisters?????"

well thats it for today....

Jealous

2005-04-14T23:14:00.000-05:00

Okay so....have you ever wanted something so bad.....so bad that you dream about it.....then all the sudden all the people around you had what you wanted....it made you want it even more right??? well thats how i feel... now im 22 years old and maybe to some people they might think im too young...but im very mature and i know what i want....i want to get married and have a baby. I honestly believe that i was put on earth to be a mother....now of course you have to have sex (which i havent done yet) in order to have a baby...so in order for me to have sex i need to get married....so hurry it up already Nathan :)

Anyways, my eldest sister had a baby...in September of 2003, with some loser guy who is currently in prison for sexual assault, maybe i'll see him in 10 years lol....thats where he belongs and thats a whole other story. So Teagen is about a year and half and hes so adorable, and i love him so much....its just something about watching lide come into this world....its very special....well the May after Teagen was born i got another nephew, my brother and Missy had Kaden in May of 2004, and again i have another cute little nephew who is so special to me...and in between all this ive had other peopl have babies....and it made my want for a baby grow so much more....but im not the kind of girl to rush into things.... i unlike my siblings and many other people in the world, want to be married when i have kids....not that theres anything wrong with not being married but this is my perfect little world lol, and god dammit i want to be married lol.....well nathan and i have been talking about marriage and my expensive $7,000 engagement ring, im hoping for my birthday in june to get engaged, then i thought that itd be nice to get married in december....i wanna go to vegas or something like that then go to Fiji and make a baby lol....nathan wants to wait of course hes selfish and wants me to himself for a while. So this is the plan....

then a few weeks back i find out my mean bitchy sister the party girl is pregnant this is the sister who hates kids and never wanted to get married let alone have kids...so here i am jealous wishing that it was ME.... and even more so knowing that she didnt really want this baby....so shes due in June maybe July...who knows. So then yesterday i called that sister on the phone despite how rude she is to me...and she tells me that our older sister (the mother to Teagen) yeah shes pregnant again...5 months pregnant and shes having another BOY...so im sure you allcan imagine how i feel about this lol....and it makes me upset cuz she hasnt been with this guy very long he already has 2 other kids (who are kind of bratty) and she needs to get her life more together like buy her own car and quit driving my moms vehicle....right? well i mean im still happy for my sister and will still love this baby too....but i just feel like sometime that my sisters are younger than me and that Im the older sister....sometimes i want to say to them "what were you thinking???" my sister can barely handle Teagen shes always trying to pawn him off to other people on the weekends my dad and me and my mom....its kind of sad. but whatever i guess its her life right?

so here i sit...wishing my belly were getting bigger lol i want to be pregnant so bad lol....i think being pregnant is so sexy. I want to come home and have nathan rub my belly and kiss it and talk to our unborn child and i want us to be this cute little family you know??? yeah so thats what i want but the way my life works out i feel like im never gonna get my turn

my mom is coming to my house for the weekend and i was thinking about playing a joke on her and telling her im pregnant....i think shed freak if she thought all 3 of her daughters were pregnant.

Freaky People

2005-04-11T17:54:00.000-05:00

Okay so here i was sitting here on the computer playing a game on yahoo games last night well this morning actually it was about 3 am and i had this conversation with some loser guy who job started messaging me.....now normal im fine with chatting with strangers but not guys like this...

nobaggage2worry (3:00:44 AM): Just thought I'd pop by
sexy_rachel1606 (3:00:56 AM): oh i see do i know you?
nobaggage2worry (3:01:18 AM): not unless we met in another life.. ( how lame)
sexy_rachel1606 (3:01:29 AM): i dont think so
nobaggage2worry (3:02:06 AM): Seriously thought, i was passing through, saw you, thought it might be intersting to talk, and here i am
sexy_rachel1606 (3:02:21 AM): passing through where?
nobaggage2worry (3:02:42 AM): for me, time and space, i travel quite a bit. (is he crazy?)
sexy_rachel1606 (3:03:01 AM): okay whatever you dont make sense to me
nobaggage2worry (3:03:37 AM): sorry dont mean to sound evasive. My job takes me around the country. I'm an extreme sports photographer. (does this make sense to anybody ???)
sexy_rachel1606 (3:03:45 AM): ok
nobaggage2worry (3:04:17 AM): so thats why i say i travel through time and space. Not home much lately (nice cover up right???)
sexy_rachel1606 (3:04:25 AM): ok
nobaggage2worry (3:04:36 AM): and what do you do?
sexy_rachel1606 (3:04:56 AM): im a nursing assistant
nobaggage2worry (3:05:50 AM): thats pretty kool. How did you get into that field
sexy_rachel1606 (3:05:51 AM): back to the passing through thing you said you were passing through and saw me and wanted to talk to me and i asked you passing through where (i couldnt let it go so I asked and it took him like 2 minutes to respond)
sexy_rachel1606 (3:06:06 AM): i guess i just stumbled into it
nobaggage2worry (3:07:49 AM): on the passing through, i was talking to a friend of mine in NYC, and her name is Rachel, but could not remember her sign-on, so i did a search and found her, then found your name. (im like okay whatever this guy is a loser)
sexy_rachel1606 (3:08:10 AM): oh i see....
nobaggage2worry (3:08:40 AM): so a combination of dumb luck and purely chance.
sexy_rachel1606 (3:08:54 AM): okay
nobaggage2worry (3:09:15 AM): so where are you from if thats not too personal
sexy_rachel1606 (3:09:23 AM): wisconsin
nobaggage2worry (3:09:40 AM): brrrrrrrr..i always think of that as cold. what do you do for fun in Wisc?
sexy_rachel1606 (3:13:33 AM): nothing really....talk on the phone, i like to scrapbook...i love to shop...i love kids and family um i like to see movies and occasionally i go out to bars
sexy_rachel1606 (3:13:37 AM): what about you?
nobaggage2worry (3:15:19 AM): well i guess for me as my job overlaps my personal life, I'm an auto racing fan, drag, nascar, motocross. I like to mountain bike, hike, shoot pool, canoe, i guess all the macho crap
nobaggage2worry (3:15:33 AM): a bit too much testosterone
sexy_rachel1606 (3:15:35 AM): thats neat
nobaggage2worry (3:16:25 AM): well it can get extreme, i lose alot of married friends this way. They think im a bad influence on their partners. (maybe thats cuz hes a freak???)
sexy_rachel1606 (3:16:37 AM): lol thats funny
sexy_rachel1606 (3:16:49 AM): so your not married then?
nobaggage2worry (3:17:32 AM): married...yike,s who would want to be married to a guy in my profession. Its like dangling a carrot in front of a donkey (maybe he just cant find anyone who would marry him )
sexy_rachel1606 (3:17:48 AM): ok
nobaggage2worry (3:18:45 AM): ive come close, but it didnt quite feel right for the moment, so instead i just date, its for me a little easier given my schedules and deadlines
sexy_rachel1606 (3:18:56 AM): i see
nobaggage2worry (3:19:11 AM): and you, r u single, attached, married..?
sexy_rachel1606 (3:19:23 AM): attached
nobaggage2worry (3:20:09 AM): well i can see why, in just chatting this little bit, you seem like a great person. The other person must be pretty lucky. (yeah im a great person by this point i thought he was out of his mind)

now im gonna skip by a lot of the boring stuff cuz it bored me to tears it was a good thing i was playing that game....anyway im not even sure why i talked to him this long but when i found out how old he was it went downhill from there....

sexy_rachel1606 (3:25:52 AM): how old are you?
nobaggage2worry (3:26:40 AM): ok hold onto your chair..Gulp...40 (at this point i was thinking get a freakin life)
sexy_rachel1606 (3:27:36 AM): wow and youve never married i cant believe that....maybe im old fashioned but by then i want to be married and have kids and stuff i coulnt imagine being that old and not having all that
nobaggage2worry (3:29:57 AM): ouch...that old??? Well i figure, I have a house, bought, paid for, no mortgage, money in my bank account, i have brothers and sisters with kids, but like i say, i travel about 4-5 days a week, so trying to get into anything committed is really difficult, so i end up with the girl in every port scenario. You'd be surprised at the number of women that like that non-commital route. (come on to a 22 year old 40 is OLD , sorry)
nobaggage2worry (3:30:27 AM): I may be 40 in age, but not in mind and body (yeah sure)
nobaggage2worry (3:32:38 AM): I cant see telling the wife, OK i'm off to El Capitan to shoot rock climbers, see you in two weeks, then call her and say, about that 2 weeks, well i'm off to Mount St. Helens, then oops off to LA to shoot the surfing exhibition. So it gets kinda complicated. (and lets keep bragging about your non-existant life/job)
sexy_rachel1606 (3:33:14 AM): yeah i guess thats just not me...my bf is 25 and i call him old lol and hes only 2 years older then me....nothing against you but when i think of people in there 40s, i think of my mom, so in my eyes you be like old enough to be my dad...and about your job, that nice if thats the sort of life you want....but to me family is a major focus of mine....no matter what that dream comes above anything else....its like at the end of the day all you have left is family so i guess when im 40, i know that i'll have family whether i have to adopt or what not
nobaggage2worry (3:33:34 AM): Right now i cant imagine me with the white house, picket fence, 1.5 kids, doggy, kitty,
sexy_rachel1606 (3:34:18 AM): i guess if thats what you want then live it....but if you wanted a family and kids theres ways of getting it....im sure you could find a diff job that still made you happy
nobaggage2worry (3:36:15 AM): well i didn't have much of a life growing up. Acoholic father, abusive, made life difficult, i took much of the anger being the oldest, tried to shield my younger siblings from that, so i guess my growing up was not the atypical american family. (maybe im a bitch but my father is an alcoholic, who gives get over it hes 40 years old!!!!)
sexy_rachel1606 (3:37:24 AM): i dont think theres any such thing as typical american family....everyone has there secrets you know you just have to find a way to deal and get on...
nobaggage2worry (3:38:19 AM): So i guess i deal with my past by being non committal. Coping skills i guess, not that i'd repeat what he did to me. But lets not go there. (yes let not)
sexy_rachel1606 (3:38:38 AM): yeah lets not
nobaggage2worry (3:39:00 AM): So today I fly out to Montreal Canada (yeah in your dreams probably)
nobaggage2worry (3:39:58 AM): so i really need to get off this thing and get my bags packed and get ready for the limo. (yeah you should do that....hes probably still waiting for that limo)
sexy_rachel1606 (3:40:17 AM): ok bye
nobaggage2worry (3:40:35 AM): have a great life, and good luck with things
nobaggage2worry (3:40:36 AM): bye

okay.....so come on im not trying to be a bitch her but please....who believes this guy any????i sure the hell didnt im pretty sure if this guy was this big shot photgrapher hed be sleeping with some hott model at 3 in the morning.....right? why chatting on the internet with some girl he doesnt even know...give me a break :)

Update

2005-04-10T01:14:00.000-05:00

so...i know its been a few days since i've updated my blog, but really nothing new has really happened, so im not sure what to even write about....this weekend in stevens point is the world's largest trivia contest which takes place here in my town which is neat, its 3 days long and the questions are very unique. im working for the weekend which sucks. nathan and i are fighting again...i broke up with him last night....i left a message on his machine telling him so when he didnt pick up the phone cuz he was too busy sleeping...i expressed my anger on numerous messages and told him it was over.....then this morning he called me all day....i avoided his calls by answering and hanging up right away and by letting the machine pick up....i did this from 8am until noonish....we're talking now and negotiating deals....just kidding, but we're still broken up and hes kissing my ass like never b4 begging for me to call it back on. But im satying strong right now...i have to make him realize he wont get away with that kind of shit. otherwise nothing new really....been kind of busy....thinking about getting another job working at the ymca, just a few times a week for a couple hours...and then i can get a free membership...and i can work out in their gym and use their pool....well nothing else to write.

Up Late Again

2005-04-04T05:19:00.000-05:00

So now im going on 3 nights in a row that i've stayed up way past the time i should and then i've been sleeping all day...its about 5am and i've been up cleaning my apartment and doing crazy things when i should be sleeping. Nathan feel alseep hours ago.....and i felt bad cuz he had wanted phone sex but i didnt want to cuz i was mad at him... we both had off today and he woke up around noon called me but i was sleeping and then he left at 1 and didnt come back home until after 7... i knew he was gonna see a movie (sin city) but then he went and did a bunch of other things when he promised he watch my stupid tv shows....and of course when he got home he had to do a bunch of things b4 he could watch tv which meant he missed the 1st one....he watched desperate housewives w/ me though and grey's anatomy...then he took a bath while we were on the phone together....and then he thought hed get lucky....well we got off the phone and he didnt get any...although later i called back and woke his ass up for some make-up phone sex lol....and that was hours ago....whenever we have phone sex it seems to give me tons of energy. So here i sit....nathan told me he bought me something today...and now i feel like bitch cuz i told him it wasnt what i wanted....he went to victoria's secret and bought me my perfume (heavenly) and body wash....and i told him i still had some from when he bought me it at x-mas.....what i really want is for him to buy me a gift card to walmart....i want to buy an exercise ball and some weights for working out....and i want to buy the movie spanglish when it comes out on dvd. so he said on wednesday hed take it back....although i wonder if he really bought me the perfume and he wasnt just saying that to get out of the dog house....it's so hard having a long-distance relationship.....i want to trust nathan and i do but sometimes i wonder....and i wish i didnt...but a few times in the past ive caught him in a lie....hes lied to try to protect his own ass so i wouldnt be pissed at him....its stupid now...but it bothered me...and if i wouldnt have found out myself i still wouldnt know the truth today.....i know he'd never cheat on me....he doesnt have time for that....i barely give him time to take a shit these days lol, and i mean that literally. well enough about this....i need to go to bed.

HATES THAT!!!!!!

2005-04-02T17:45:00.000-06:00

Well...who would have thought :)

So the other day i got all my DSL equipment and i tried to set it up...well that when the problems started happening...first i did downloaded the stuff too soon my activation date wasnt until the 31st...and i got the stuff 29th....then on the 31st i tried to re-do it and i kept running into problems....so i called the tech support #, well i did it 30 min b4 i havd to leave for work...so i decided to call back when i got home last night....and i did...then the person started going through it with me...got me to a certain point and said i could finish the rest...not even 2 minutes after i got off the phone i ran into more problems....so i called back well a new guy tried to help me and he ended up telling me that for some reason my order was cancelled and i'd have to call back in the morning around 8am and talk to the people in the order and sales dept.....so i did...only to be told that my order was completed...not cancelled unlike the asshole told me the night b4....so then i got a new guy to try to help me with my problem......only he wanted me to double click on Internet Explorer and everytime i did that nothing happened....no screen would pop up...it horrible i have a feeling that the guy thought i was a total idiot....so he gave me intructiosn on what to do when i got it fixed.....at this point it was 9 am and i still hadnt been to bed since the night b4....crazy me again lol.

well i went to bed at around 10 am and woke at 4...and i decided to figure this mess up....and i fixed it and now my dsl works....now i can talk to nathan while on the internet.....im on the phone w/ him \right now but we're not even talking lol...its just nice knowing hes there

An update on the other morning.....he called me at 6:59...on the dot...lol :)

Now do you all rememeber the story about my co-worker who fell in shit the other week....well the lady whos shit it was....died last night at 3 am...a few hours after i left....sad cuz i found out thursday that she would be moving on monday to a different building where she would have fit in better.....and i was excited that i wuldnt have to deal with her....now i feel bad. She was 90 some years old and lived a good life....so i guess maybe it was her time....although it was not expected at all...she was always yelling out calling` peoples names...normally the people ive had died.....you knew where dying....well the lady was very catholic so at least she died the same day the pope did.....thats kind of special.

well nothing else new.....life is boring.

Crazy

2005-03-31T01:16:00.000-06:00

I am crazy....last night i stayed up until 5am then woke up at noon and now its 1:30 in the morning and im tired again but yet cant seem to fall asleep. I blame it on Nathan...i got my present on tuesday and since then ive been hooked to my new ps2 game The Playboy Mansion. I know its a major boys game but it reminds me of the sims and i love that so....its kind of fun....and im addicted. Nathan said im the perfect girl, i like movies, sports, and video games and i eventually want to have sex....his words not mine lol....well i finally turned the game off and i have every intention to go to bed now. nathan promised hed call in the morning by 7am and if he doesnt he has to buy me another present, no matter what up t0 $100, lol lucky me....so now im sitting here hoping he doesnt call....i dont even know what id have him get me lol, maybe i'll just have him mail me a gift card or something....well i'll write again soon...have to work tomorrow and friday, sucks :( later

Reality TV Freak

2005-03-28T23:27:00.000-06:00

So im really not sure what my obssession with reality tv is but im addicted. And today i started watching The Bachelor's new season....i mean even i know how lame that is but i just couldnt turn away. There's just something a lot more interesting to watch people in a real way, not people reading from a script. And since the Real World, i've been hooked. i guess im just crazy like that :) The show was funny but yet expected....im not saying that the shows are classy im just hooked. and people have a right to their own opinion. ive never been a bachelor fan though....but i couldnt resist. The one show im hooked to thats not reality based is Desperate Housewives. LOVES IT!!! Nathan and i have this thing where i make him watch shows with me, lol and normally those shows are like the newlyweds, wife swap, nanny 911, super nanny, or extreme makeover. There are 3 shows that he refuses to watch, and those are The Simple Life, American Idol and .....Desperate Housewives....lol i just hate that too....he's only watched one episode od DH and he said that was one too many. Makes me wonder if men can really apperciate it...i mean that came from a guy who watched Sex and the City...he said that show had more sex and nudity LOL.....MEN!!!!!!! Oh well you gotta love them :)

Happy Easter

2005-03-27T13:31:00.000-06:00

Well Happy Easter everyone.... I have to work today which sucks....would have been nice to be able to have off and spend it with my family.... i guess i never should have picked it up, oh well the money will be nice.

So problems with Nathan lately..so so so many. First off hes been putting me on the back burner and he even admitted that. Then hes been telling me he'll call and he gets busy. And of course when i yell at him about it it gets turned around like it my fault...he always has to remind me that he doesnt have a civilian job like i do and he cant just call me whenever he feels like it. but its not just when hes at work it when hes off and hes at home too. but his excuse is hes in the process of moving out and he needs to get that done. but im still pissed and i feel i have a right too. last night i thought we had everything understood.....Nathan told me hes call me this morning b4 he had to go under-weigh.....nope instead he called me arounf 9am, hours after he 1st woke up....plans changed and he didnt have to go under-weigh until 9:30....so he called at 9.....then he told me hed call me when he got back in like 2 hours....well it's 1:30 and he still hasnt called...so like the stalker gf i am i call the station and you know what they tell me????? he's sleeping.

now should i be pissed or not? i am and i feel like i have a right too...he could have at least called me b4 going to sleep....i just dont understand the way his brain works.....MEN!!!!!!!!!!!! Im sure he'll call me 15 minutes b4 i have to leave for work and he'll tell me the guy who answered the phone didnt know what the hell he was talking about and really he was busy working....and sometimes i dont know whether i can believe that and hes not just lying so he wont get bitched at.....i just dont know......oh well....gotta get ready for work.... hope everyone has a happy easter :)

life as i know it

2005-03-26T22:37:00.000-06:00

Life as i know it........is never what you want it to be.

I mean if it was then there wouldnt be any bad in the world and everyone would be happy right? Sometimes i wish i could go back.....i would change so many things in my life. A lot of people wouldnt but i would, in a heartbeat. I'd make so many different choices....like i'd have paid more attention to things while growing up (just the other day i came to the realization that i've never asked about my grandfather who passed away before i was born) i mean theres so many things i wish i could do or change but i guess i shouldnt waste my time with that..why bother with the things you cant change....so now im devoting my time to the things i can change.......

i've decided that i'm gonna write my dad a letter....im gonna express my feelings and regrets of the past, how i feel about the present and what i want for the future. But i want to do it in a way that wont make him hate me....im gonna say a lot of things that hes not gonna like so im worried that he'll resent me for what i'll write. But writing him a letter is the best for me....i can sit down and take as much time as i need w/o being interupted and i'll be able to get my point across. Plus im better with words when i write them... so ive been told. The other day i was reading my blog to Nathan and he said that i have a way with words, that i make my entries sound interesting. I told him as i young girl i used to write stories....i rememeber my friends, everyday at school id get there and my friends came right up to me to find out if id written any more of my stories....they were huge fans....only i'd get bored and stop writing the story...i used to have a huge box full of unfinished stories....i threw a lot of them away but kept a few of my favorites.

so i guess i'll be working on my letter to my dad...when im finished i'll post it and let everyone tell me what they think and if i should give it to him.... i mean i guess the worst that could happen is my dad will get mad at me for speaking the truth and nothing will change between him and my brother... and possible he'll get mad at me.....but thats nothing a little ass kissing couldnt cure....i'm sure hed forgive me with time....then again if he gets that mad at me for the letter maybe i dont want to have a relationship with him.

well i'll write more tomorrow maybe i'll have something more interesting to tell :)

Confessions

2005-03-26T01:40:00.000-06:00

What do you get when you add alcohol and family????

Confessions, you get hour long talks with sibling or parents maybe even in-laws and you confess to them all the things you feel is wrong with you family. Take tonight for instance, My brother is 31 years old and a little over a year ago his divorce was final from his wifre of 5 years Michelle.....my little nephew was born last year in May, his mother her name is Michele, only problem is they're not the same person(thank god for that) okay so i'll give you a little more detail.

My brother had been having problems in his marriage....so where did he turn, to the bar so he could drink his problems away. That's where he met Missy aka Michele, and thats where their friendship blossomed someone he could go to talk to....someone he ended up falling in love with. After falling for Missy he knew he couldnt stay in his love-less marriage w/ Michelle. So he told her he was leaving her. All the while hes never slept with Missy, they were just friends. Now of course Michelle would think otherwise dont you think, i mean why would her husband just up and leave her, it couldnt be because Michelle is bitchy trampy trailor trash psycho with more pshycological problem then one person should have now could it????? well it was, so what did Michelle do? well she wanted to rip my brothers balls off and hurt him the way she was hurting, so she went to his family. I remember the day she called me, crying, telling me how my brother left her and had cheated on her, and she had no idea why, all she knew was she was the best wife she could be. Well my brother thought differently and who was i to judge. I mean he my family, my blood, all i want for him is to be happy. And yes of course i feel bad for Michelle, but she had her own family, why couldnt she go cry to them. I'll tell you why, cuz that wouldnt hurt my brother as much as turning his entire family against him would. And turn his family against him she did. My brother no longer speaks to my father nor my sister nor my dads entire family.... and just last weekend my grandmother turned 88 and my brother was not invited to her birthday party but guess who was, his ex wife. Now how is that right???? My brother has a right to go to my grandmothers b-day not that trampy bitch and i wanted to tell her that too, but i couldnt make a scene at my grandma party thats not ladylike, and i'm a lady. Where's this story going i have no idea, i've been drinking. So Sorry.... i just think its horrible that my father has never seen his grandson, his grandson who will be a year in May. I mean how said is that. And i think its even sadder that my father let some trampy whore tear our family apart. Doesn't my dad see that she was just using him to get back at my brother???? Am i the only one who sees that??? Am i the only one who didn't fall for her lame ass scame. Nobody is perfect, no one....so why cant my dad swallow some crow and apologize to my brother....tell him hes sorry for not supporting him and for siding with his ex-wife, someone who came into our lives a little over 7 years ago???

Am i wrong for thinking this way. Maybe i am. Maybe im the one who doesnt see the whole picture here. But i always thought you STOOD by your FAMILY. I thought you SUPPORTED them even if you THOUGHT they were in the WRONG. I mean if your family doesnt support you then who will. And how do i fix it. Whats can i do to get my brother and my father talking again. And how the hell do i get the fucking tramp out of our lives.... why cant she just hang with her own family. Its not our fault that her father molested her, she has her own issuses to work out with her own father why doesnt she try and work them out instead making issues in my family. I mean shes 30 years old isnt it about time she worked out her issues and she grew up? Listen to this...a few weeks ago she was at a wedding reception and she went up to a women who is well in her 50s and she told her about all the sex she was getting....with her vibrator.... i mean come on thats trampy??? Is it not? To talk like that in public to an elder whom you barely even know. I think she just needs to grow up and move on....oh well i cant fix all my familys problems tonight and believe me theres so many id love to fix....

I'm Weak!!!!!!

2005-03-24T23:22:00.000-06:00

Okay so i know i said that i was NOT going to give into Nathan and have phone sex with him this afternoon, but im weak what can i say when he begs i turn to goo and i just had to give in and boy i dont regret it :) LOL but then again i never do :) I wont go into detail i mean who wants to hear that right :) So anyways, work sucked as usual...nothing too dirty to deal with. I got off early which is nice plus i get paid, i got my paystub today so i know what will be deposited and i know how much i can spend on things i really dont need. Since changing rooms i want to buy some things to put on the walls and stuff....make the rooms look pretty :) yah know??? Nathan says i sounds northern when i say (yah know) lol Oh well right what can you do :)

My sister lives in Miss and has for a few years and every once in a while she'll e-mail me and she all ya'all and i reckin' and by gosh and shes being all southern (she spent some time in texas too) and to me i just think she's trying too hard....i mean a lot of the time she doesnt even talk like that... i just hate it when people try to hard, its so fake. And maybe its that i dont like my sister right now who knows i just think shes a bitch....okay i had to get that out....sorry....good night, ya'all :)

Phone Sex

2005-03-24T11:34:00.000-06:00

So last night Nathan wanted some phone sex, like usual when he has off so i was all ready for it and by that time Nathan was tired and wanted to go to sleep said we'll do it in the morning. So this morning he over slept and didnt have anytime. Now he said later this afternoon but i told him no. It's funny cuz hes to the point where he wont masturbate w/o me on the phone doing it with him. I on the other hand can do it just fine w/o him. And when i do do it w/o him he gets mad at me like why didnt i wait for him....and im all like when your in the mood your in the mood :) right?

Just Call Me Crazy

2005-03-23T17:20:00.000-06:00

Okay so this morning i woke up at a very early time (9am) for me anyway. I got this crazy idea in my head....well it didnt just pop up i'd actually been thinking about it for awhile now... You see last June i moved into a 2 bedroom apartment by myself... and i choose the bigger of the 2 to be my bedroom well today i decided differently i wanted to have my bedroom be the smaller one since it was getting crowed in the spare room since i added a bed....now normally this wouldn't be a problem i mean im not a wimpy girl i can do stuff like this....only my stupid desk took me and hour to move ....its one of those corner desk that you put together and to move it you have to take it apart into 2 pieces...and that wouldn't have been so bad but i didn't have the right tool to do it...well i couldnt find it...i looked all over the place for it making a bigger mess of things...but i got the desk moved and my new bedroom is all arrange the way i want it...only problem is the new spare bedroom is a bit of a disaster. :) Oh well i have off Friday too so i guess if i dont finish it today i can alway finish Friday...I'd rather finish it today though, payday is friday and i want to go shopping (big suprise for me) and maybe see a movie. I saw the Ring 2 last Sunday and it was alright....not as scary as the first but it was good. So a question for anyone who wants to answer...

Have you ever gone to a movie by yourself?

I personally have never, it might be just me but i kind of think its a girl thing. I think for girls to go to the movie by themself they feel like everyones looking at them and judging them.Nathan on the other hand goes to the movies by himself all the time. A few months back Nathan tried to dare me to go to the movies by myself but i just couldnt do....it's like social suicide. Lately all my friends have been moving, getting married or having kids....so it's like they never have time for me....when Nathan i 1st got together i kind of pushed a lot of them aside and i lost them...so im to the point where i would pay someone to hang out with me :) LOL okay so maybe im not that desperate (YET) But seriously what do you do when all your friends are just too busy for you and wanna hang out with someone and your boyfriend is miles away?????

Answer.........start a BLOG :) LOL

Thanks!!!

2005-03-22T22:24:00.000-06:00

Well i want to thank everyone for all the comments. I never thought I'd get anyone to read my blog :) But i ended up telling Nathan all about my blog and so my picture had to come down.... I never told him I put one up but I don't think he'd like it. He got mad that I used his real name and then that I put what military branch he was in so i changed that too... sorry. Maybe after a while he'll forget about the whole blog thing and i can put it up without the chance that he'll come looking on here and seeing it.... sometimes hes a bit jealous. Mainly cuz im a girl and it's a girls job to make sure her man Knows there's other guys out there that find them attractive. So i always tell Nathan the stories about how some guy was flirting with me or when some guy checks me out. And when his friends tell him i have a sexy voice i always make sure to rub it in to him.... you just have to, it's like a law or something like that.

So i just got home from work and i feel horrible my co-worker, names will remain nameless had a little accident in the bathroom at work... Again I'm a nursing assistant and part of my job is to give showers and clean up shit... well tonight i gave a shower and someone SHIT all over the shower floor so i kept telling myself i was gonna clean it up...well i never got back to it and she went in there and almost gagged at the smell then she slipped on the floor cuz it was wet and SLPAT her hands hit the shit and SLPAT right in her face..... now i feel horrible like if i hadn't been procastinating like i always do that would never have happend... i mean who wants someone else's shit in their face, that's just nasty....i need to switch jobs :)

Another Day Another Dollar

2005-03-22T12:01:00.000-06:00

Well it's about noon and i just woke up about a half hour ago. I know I've got it rough. I'm not sure I could ever go back to working a job that I had to get up at like 6 in the morning. So I have to work today 3-11 then I have off tomorrow. Sucks right. I've had off for the past 3 days so i'm not to excited to go back lately I'm hating my job more and more. I wish Nathan would just pay all my bills so i wouldn't have to work :) Now that would be a dream. I told him once we're married and have kids i'm not gonna work....and he just laughed at me. He said after are kid is 2 i have to go back, i laughed at him and told him by then I'd be trying to get pregnant again. Speaking of that, i mean yeah I'm a virgin never had sex and Nathan seems to think that once i do I'm gonna be addicted or something. Hes got this crazy illusion that once we do the deed we'll be humping like rabbits. I seriously doubt it. I mean it cant be all that, can it?

Good Girls Can Be Bad

2005-03-21T23:55:00.001-06:00

So here's thing, My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2 years now and since we barely ever get to see each other or be around each other, we've developed a little side project that we call phone sex. Now i know what many people may be thinking but hey we like and it can be fun....it's not like we do it all the time...in fact we're lucky if we do it once a week. But it's funny cause when we first started we did it as much as possible now it's almost none existant and the other day Nathan was bitching about how little hes been getting. I had to laugh.

But as little sex hes been getting the present I've been wanting just seem to keep coming. Last week he sent my Ladder 49, Leisure Suit Larry for PS2, and $50.00 cash. This week i was a good girl and told him since I conqured Leisure Suit that I wanted the Playboy Mansion for PS2 and the i told him I wanted Sweet Home Alabama, so he got me those. Then i got pissed at him for some reason i dont rememeber now and i made him buy me the Notebook too, then he wanted to got to bed early one night and our trade off was that he'd have to buy me Mean Girls :) LOL i love being spoiled.

That's HOTT

2005-03-21T19:48:00.000-06:00

Well Hey I guess I'm a little new to this whole Blog thing so bare with me. Today I had off which isn't that much of a rare occurance for me since I only work about 56 hours every 2 weeks. So I Have a lot of time off to do what I Love the most and that's SHOP and then there's my 2nd favorite thing to do and that's talk to my boyfriend. But I often run into the problem with Nathan (my boyfriend) and he tells me he'll call back or he's busy and I hate that. So lately I've been getting back at himand I've been giving him some of his own medicine. Which he's starting to hate. I Love it :)

I'm a bit of a rare species for 22 year old women, I'm a virgin. LOL that's rare isn't it? Everyone i know seems to think it is, well except for maybe my Dad and my brother they think thats perfectly fine:) MY boyfriend is totally okay with, now he's a rare species :) We've been together for 2 and a half years and he's waiting patiently for the day we get married as am i :) Now that's HOTT Can't wait to find out what all the talk is about :) I'm hoping to get a big rock by the end of this year and be married as well. I want to get married somewhere far away but romantic.

And so far that's all I'll share with you for today.