Still Back

Okay....so another day and i still havent spoken to Nathan... hes at work and its not totally abnormal.... but we'll see only time will tell. I dont know if i'm just holding on for no apparent reason or what.... on lighter news i went out tonight to this really nice restraunt for a good-bye dinner for this guy from work.... it was fun...i enjoyed it.. i just need to keep things light and to try to enjoy myself.... i know that if this is the end for Nathan and i that i will pull through and that i can get over him.... it wont be easy but i'll be able to do it... anyway.... enough for now i dont have much else to say other than its cold and slippery out there and i'm a little drunk.... later

Back for reall this time

Okay i know that last time i said i was back but this time i'm for real this time... i'm going to have a lot more time on my hands now.... Nathan and I are seeing other people... my idea after he told me he doesnt know what he wants anymore....i have this suspision that hes seeing someone else and i dont want to break up with him without knowing for sure...so we'll see where this gets us. so in the meantime you can expect to see me online a lot and trying to keep myself occupied so that i dont think about him so much and i dont call him so much... i want him to realize what hes going to throw away. i want him begging for me you know and then i want to tell him i found someone else and i dont need him anymore....so i guess i should probably find someone then huh ??? lol i dont know....life sucks sometimes...i really do still love him with all my heart and i dont want to loose him. but i also know that i deserve so much better...so we'll see what happens in the meantime though i can see other people so you never know maybe i'll meet someone ....in the meantime thats all im gonna write but i'llbe posting again fairly soon.

Miss ME?????

Yeah i know....what the hell happened to me???? well i guess life happened to me.... scary thing. Nathan used to call me his little hermit....now he just wishes when he calls i'd be home. Nathan has since moved to Wisconsin and things have been pretty good....he's been here for over a month and we've only seen each other once which sucks but i've just been busy. I went an stayed at his place for a day and some girl ended up calling there and she said she'd known Nathan for a while....so i called her back and wanted a better explaination and she said "i didnt know he had another gf." i just freaked i couldnt believe this she said she had met him 2 years ago in Green Bay...and i was upset......i'm still not sure whether to believe the love of my life or some bitch but her story never really added up when she 1st called she asked if i was his sister and anyone who knows, knows Nathan is an only child.....and she said she met him 2 years ago and he wasnt up here 2 years ago...but yet its hard to believe Nathan when at times he hasn't been very honest with me.... so anyway thats whats going on with Nathan....i also for a while has a roommate and her bf living with me...well her bf drove me crazy and now they're going to be moving out.....so thats something new...nathan is begging me to move in with him and he does have nice place......so who knows :) well enough for now and i promise to keep ya'll updated :)

What's New With ME :)

Well since the last 2 post have been not about me. Maybe i should catch you all up on whats going on in my life.

First off I've been really depressed lately. It all started last Saturday when i decided to get my hair-cut.....which was a HUGE mistake....I was stupid enough to think i could get in to my normal place Prom Weekend :) Well they were booked solid....so i decided to try this other place called La Vita Bella, it's a spa and i had a pedicure done there b4 so i thought it'd be alright.....they charge more than my normal place, so i thought they'd be better, well sometimes more expensive isnt always better, i found that out the hard way....so there i was getting a lot of my hair cut off....and the length part doesnt upset me....i told her the length is fine as long as its still long enough to be into a ponytail for when im at work....then i told her i wanted layer cuz i have thick hair and i wanted it be thinned out....yeah not so much....she put a few layers around my face and thats it....then comes the bangs part here she was cutting them....i told her i wanted them choppy and uneven and she cut them sort of choppy but not what i was looking for....the length was ok then she asked me "so do you ever curl your bangs." and i'm like "no"....so yeah thats when she took the go ahead to cut another inch off my bangs....and now i hate my hair....i hate it...im lucky cuz my hair grown back fast but still for the next 2 weeks or so....i have to look at my ugly short bangs in the mirror....it's very said....that was $30.00 i wish i didnt spend :) I could have done better myself.

Another aspect in my life of course is Nathan...yeah hes been driving me crazy lately too....hes always tired and bitching to me about that or that i never have phone sex with him anymore....whenever i try he's half asleep, he later tells me he thought i was just joking around.....last night he fell asleep on the phone and BAM he was out.....i yelled, screamed pushed buttons, everything to wake his lazy ass up but no...he was out cold. Then lately he's been talking to his EX, the woman he's always referred to as THE BITCH to me and he's always made excuses to me that the reason he never goes to see his son is cuz he doesnt want to see THE BITCH. But lately they've been talking on the phone....the bitch and her bf broke up and so now shes living with her parents and she has another kid and she called Nathan up to see if he'd wanna take his son to give him a little break from all the caos and now shes calling him all the time and hes been getting off the phone with me to talk to her which is pissing me off...i mean last night he tells me to hold on cuz he has another call....im hloding for what seems like forever...then he comes back on...and hes under the impression that i called him....and im like no i was on hold and hes like well my phone just rang....and im like you dumb-ass thats what happens when you have someone on hold and then you hang the phone up. I mean i dont think hed ever go back to her or that he would cheat on me, I mean hello look at me :) LOL...but seriously....hes pissing me off, and i dont know what to do....when i try to talk to him about it he gets a defensive and starts finding things to yell at me about .....he cant just sit there and listen to what i have to say.

Anyway work has been crazy and ive working a lot of extra hours. And thats about it :)

Since I'm a huge reality tv freak....i have had the chance to watch a few episodes of The Simple Life....and i have to say the best part of the show is Nicole with her outrageous comments, I'm Paris she's really not all the interesting, I mean someone can only take so much of..... "That's Hot" am i right. So if you haven't heard these two have had a little falling out and Nicole is no longer going to be on the show....part of the reason to the falling out happens to be because Paris made a racial comment that made Nicole upset. Then to get back at Paris for being on SNL, Nicole and some buddies boycotted watching Paris on SNL and instead watched her sex tape, which then pissed Paris off. What Drama :) It seems like the racial thing is everywhere, having read Derek's blog it kind of makes you wonder what kind of world we live in. 

Okay so let me ask what is the deal with Tom Cruise why is he always dating women who are taller than him....i personally would hate to date someone shorter than me...it just doesnt look right. But I do think that they make a good couple. So congrats to them. 

The Crazy Life

Do you ever get that feeling that everything around you is just going crazy and that you dont have any time for yourself....well im there right now.... For starters something happened to my yahoo messenger, somehow my password was changed and i have no idea how and so now i am unable to connect to it....so for those of you who thought i just dropped off the face of the earth, im still here :) my new yahoo is rachel_1606 so just add me and we can talk again :)

I've been working a lot lately and the only day i had off was Sunday and i went to Milwaukee to the zoo for my mom's birthday. That was a lot of fun but also pretty tiring. It seems that Nathan and i are growing apart. I havent said much to him about it but i just feel like we're spending less and less time talking. A lot more time arguing, and its really starting to bother me. I love the guy so much but sometimes he drives me so crazy. I'm considering getting a new job something with more hours and benefits but i kind of want to hold out and see what kind of raise i'll get in May. But then i think even with a good raise it wont be enough to make it easier around here and to get caught up. Nathan keeps sending money or gift cards and i hate that too....i wanted him to send me one from target but he didnt then i threatened to sell something and it happens to be something he likes and doesnt want me to sell so then hes gonna try and send me to money...and now i feel bad and i wonder why he couldnt have just sent it in ther 1st place....then part of me wants to tell him no, and i'll figure it out myself which mean i'll sell something....and he hates that. So i dont know what to do.... well hope everyone is good

Sorry

I can't believe that its really been over a week since i've posted, so sorry :)

Not too much new....my oldest sister who is pregnant with her 2nd child....well shes been dating her current bf for about 4 months she met him at work...and shes over 5 months pregnant....now all she kept telling me was about how happy she was to have Scott around and all i kept thinking was how her timing wasnt matching up....so finally i brought it up to her and i asked her if she thought about her due date i told her i didnt think shed be having the baby in August due to the fact that she only met scott in December...and thats when she told me....yeah this baby isnt Scott's and he knows that and hes ok with that....and she doesnt even know who that baby's father is....and all im thinking is "Oh my god, my sister is a slut........." i mean really what am i suppose to think? her first childs father is in prison for about 10 years for sexual assault and her 2nd baby she doesnt even know who his father is.....im thinking my sister should go on some talk show like Maury or Jerry Springer......

so also with this baby....i told my mom that if my sister didnt have me as the god mother that i would dis-own her....given the fact that her first child i was forgotten and he had 5 godparents all together including my brother and other sister.....so yeah i am this kids godmother which makes me happy :)

my other pregnant sister is having a girl Jillian Skylar, and i bought her the cutest little dress the other day....i cant wait to have my own baby someday and i hope its a little girl :)

things are ok with nathan and i, nothing new there last week he sent my some victorias secret shampoo and conditioner, its called So Sexy and its to die for, i love it :)

Sunday is my mom 48th birthday and we're all going to the Milwaukee zoo, what fun lol...oh well i'll be hanging with missy and my brother and Kaden for most of the day....i thought of something funny....you know normally you and your sisters call each other up and are like "oh my god do you know what are brothers fiancee did????" well not me i call my brothers fiancee up and im all "wanna hear some gossip about my sisters?????"

well thats it for today....